The Things you Can Control

by Christina Baldwin 

In these times, when it feels like we have no control over our time, our children, or our money (that is, whether or not we’ll ever get any more) … it is so easy to feel out-of-control! And that, I believe, is when stress and fear really begin to rage! I’m feeling it!

So today I want to step back and look carefully at what is within our control. I want to look at what I can actually do to help regain some sense of being grounded and at peace.

Let me tell you my current situation. 

I have 5 children, one of whom is medically complicated. (His typical oxygen situation sits around 90%). He is at a much higher risk if we/he were to contract the corona virus. So, from the beginning we have not been fear-driven or panicked, but we have taken this thing very seriously! 

We already homeschool, so you’d think that we’re way ahead of the curve, right? Nope! I am a novice when it comes to this whole homeschooling thing, and am still trying to figure out how it works, what with being a mom and a teacher and keeping my home going, while feeding my children something other than cereal and potato chips. To make it work I rely heavy on two things. The first is my two younger boys going to preschool, giving me a solid two hours a day to work with my older children. The second is our amazing math tutor, who delivers a double blessing with educating three of my children in math, (which I am not capable of doing), while simultaneously giving me a morning out of the house, which is my saving grace. 

With this social-distancing season, and now official ’Stay-At-Home’ order, both of these supports, these external structures and blessings, have been removed and it’s just me and what feels like endless hours every day. No pick-up time, no fresh faces, no change of scenery and, worst of all…no physical support!

I know, for many of you, your lifestyle change has been far more drastic! I honestly give you my sincerest sympathy! The internet has been the greatest resource for keeping us connected; we are all in this together. 

And yet, most days I feel either crazy overwhelmed or completely bored. I feel so irritated with my children because they are ALWAYS there and ALWAYS needing something and I just want to be alone or desperately desperate to being around interesting people. 

I am not enjoying this roller coaster!

So I’ve been asking the Lord about all of this, doing some research, trying a few things, and I want to share my process with you.

Plan out your time! Time management is generally about getting the most out of a small amount of time, but right now that’s been flipped, and I’m trying to get the most out of a large amount of time! But hold on…don’t go overboard with all the projects! I find that it works best, for me, to have a couple of things I want to get done every day, and then I work at how I can fill in all the gaps. 

Let your children sleep in! It is good for the immune system and will make them generally more pleasant to be around! They may spend 6 hours at school but, at home, the time that they need to do the same amount of work will only take them 2-3 hours.

Plan to be outside for at least 1 hour everyday! No matter what the weather is! (Put a coat on!) Thankfully, it’s much warmer than it was a month ago. Go for a walk, do some gardening, shoot some hoops, kick a ball, ride bikes, even plan a meal outside. Fresh air and sunshine is good for your immune system and for all your psychologicals! (That is actually a word! I made it up because there is definitely more than one!)

Make a list! I love lists! I’m not a very detailed person but I thrive on having a sense of order, even if it’s very broad. Children love lists too, for the same reason. In a list there is order, structure, security. Your list might be, “Draw a picture of Daddy, go and check the mail, build a lego snake,” or it may have more detailed instructions. When I stated writing a daily list for my children it made a huge difference. (My bigs kids get chores on theirs and get to choose when to do those tasks, which gives them a sense of control. In our current situation, I think that’s a good thing.)

Make food an activity that everyone is involved in. One obvious reason is that everyone staying at home produces a lot of extra work, and it’s good for your children to help out and understand what it means to work together as an important part of a family. But food is also a great connector, and whether you’re making a stack of peanut butter sandwiches or a decadent tray of brownies, it is a way to do something together that will not only help pass the time, but will also be educational, good for your relationship, and your bodies. (This is the way our grandparents were raised and they lived through the World Wars and the Great Depression.) Connectedness during times of emotional uncertainty is fundamentally important! Which brings me to my final point.

Be aware of screen time! I have said it before and I will say it again! I am so grateful for the internet in my hand whenever I want or need it to be connected with real information, (not just the opinions of all the Facebook crazies), my friends and support networks, and family near and far! Choose one or two trusted sources of news and stick to them. Don’t make yourself crazy by reading everything everybody has to say. Be deliberate to connect with ‘your people’ everyday! FaceTime and apps like MarcoPolo are phenomenal because you can hear voices and see faces, which is so much better than a text message!

With that being said, too much time with that device in your face can have a negative impact. I did some reading on this, just this week, because of some of the ugly behavior I was seeing in my children. According to verywellfamily.com, rallyhealthy.com and health.state.mn.us  (to name a few), studies show that too much screen time produces sleep apnea, moodiness and impulsivity, and can also increase symptoms of anxiety and depression in our children. I know that you have heard all of this before, but when reading this list of symptoms I could see some of these ‘ugly behaviors’ in myself. So, I set boundaries for me and my kids. 

“No screens before breakfast; No screens after dinner unless we’re all watching something together;  You can watch a screen after you’ve finished your school work. You can listen to music while you work but turn the screen off.” 

I’m not going to tell you what your boundaries need to be but, I will say, be intentional, think it though, and set some boundaries! When you find yourself feeling anxious and endlessly scrolling, be aware. There’s no shame, just put your phone down. Go outside and take a deep breath, shift your eyes and your heart to something that will lift you. 

Yes, the suggestions I’ve made have been practical. The reason for this is that I don’t believe that God places the huge divisions, that we do, between what is practical and what is spiritual. (Those two realities are deeply intertwined and approaching them from a holistic way is so important!) Still, it would be amiss of me not to talk about our process with the Lord, through all of this. 

The truth is that, If He is the Lord of your life, you already have anchoring!

We all experience joy, comfort, and support through many things, healthy and unhealthy, and when those things are removed I know that the Lord is ready and waiting with open arms. Ready to work though the fear and insecurity, the shame and guilt, the confusion or even anger we might be feeling. The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in loving kindness. (I love Psalm 145:8 and the picture of God as a loving parent who is so glad to comfort and be with us.) 

This process we’re walking and time we are living in is a big deal!  None of us quite know how to navigate what might be around the next corner, but Jesus does! Speak to him! Listen to him! Invite him everyday into your day, your tasks, your relationships, your fears, and allow him to not only comfort you but also lead you into all peace! (Col 3:15)